Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Yesterday (:

Yesterday was a success! I made food in front of people, then got rid of it. My mom thinks I ate at least 2 full meals yesterday, and it's not like she'll be suspicious for a few more weeks. Thank God it's summer so I can be at my friends house most of the time, getting out of eating is a piece of cake with them. They don't even notice and if they do, they understand and let me do what I want. I weighed myself this morning and I lost 2.2 pounds in one day of starving (: I'll keep this 2 pound per day rate up for a few days, then on Saturday have an eating day, then go back to eating every 5th day for awhile. I have a huge binder that has a ton of notes and tips and tricks and thinspo pictures and it helps SO much. I can't wait to finally be THIN. I've done this before but something always happened to make me stop after like a month, but this time NOTHING will get in my way. The people on formspring really put me in check, saying im fat and gross really helped me to go back to thanks ASSHOLES. I was just waiting for something to push me to my limit so I can go to this permanetly, and I'm thankful those people wrote that to me. Now they will never be able to call me fat again. I won't let it be true. Today will be easy, my parents are going out to dinner so I'll make food and throw it out. I hate wasting it but it's necessary...Then Thursday and Friday I'll be at a friends, so that will be easy as long as I don't give into temptation when I see them eating. Which I won't! Because I fucking love you Ana. Then Saturday is my eating day...I'm very excited(: It's always nice to look forward to around one day a week to just EAT. Besides, I don't want to die yet. Well sometimes I do, but I don't want to completely fuck up my body forever. God I missed this feeling of being empty, waking up pounds lighter than the day before feels AMAZING. I wish this feeling would never have to go away. By the time I get back to school all the people who thought I was fat will be surprised when they see how thin I've gotten, and people will actually give me a chance. I wish I could speed the days up...sitting around starving gets old. But I'll do WHATEVER it takes to be thin. Starve on!!

<---(7 hours later--> So I posted all of that ^ at 6am when I had a huge headache and couldn't sleep, and so I went back to bed after posting, then woke up, pissed, and had a tiny bowel movement. Decided to weigh myself and it actually turns out that I've lost exactly 3 pounds from yesterday (: HALLELUJAH! My mom is gone for part of today so I told her I made mac n cheese. I really did make it...just flushed it down the toilet! Left dirty dishes in the sink (: (: I'm feeling very good today. I can't wait for Saturday though!

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